IT doesn’t matter what I say or how often I write about and explain it, people will have expectations of what they want to happen and what they can achieve and how quickly.
Impatience and unrealistic expectations almost go hand in hand.
But you have to ask, why are so many of us that way?
William Shakespeare once wrote, “Expectations are the root of all heartache.”
From my experience, not only are these expectations often unreasonable, they are one of the primary causes of disappointment, failure and the decision to quit.
I’ve had it in practically every wave of the Amazing 12 Chichester I have run. And the craziest part of all is that the expectations are self-determined.
Imagine that – you become the source of your own disappointment!
For example, Jemma, who along with Jade has now finished week 3, might say to me, “my scales show I’ve put on weight this week.” I’ll reply, “Are you trying to lose weight or lose inches and fat?”
She’ll say, “Inches and fat.”
I’ll typically respond with, “So why are you paying any attention to the scales?”
It’s the same when it comes to movements or exercises that are difficult or challenging. To master or gain competency in a movement isn’t going to happen overnight. It requires time, patience and practice and more practice. To want – and expect – it to happen any quicker is unrealistic and, most importantly, skipping the best part of any skill development, which is in the process of learning and mastering.
Reg and Jemma both admitted they’d invested heavily in getting out of shape, which is a process in itself. For years Reg has been drinking almost seven bottles of wine per week, litres of Pepsi Max daily (and before that fruit juices on a large scale), overeating and not moving enough. Jemma said she was drinking up to two bottles of champagne weekly, eating chocolate, drinking wine etc.
It soon adds up, as they eventually realised. And then they reached a point where they wanted and needed to do something about it, but the task seemed huge and kept being delayed. Finally, they each took action and signed up for something like the Amazing 12.
But to think the excess is going to disappear instantly isn’t realistic. And if you’ve neglected the movement of your body for long periods and have a static job, your body is going to need re-training in how to function optimally. It takes time.
This week I had a rare bout of stomach illness that knocked me sideways for the best part of six days during which I didn’t train at all and moved little. But it reminded me in a short time – because my body felt awful – how crucial it is to move.
Once I recovered, though, I didn’t go back immediately to what I was eating and lifting before. It was an integrative process.
Similarly, someone who is not fit (aerobically and anaerobically) isn’t going to develop magical fitness in only a few sessions. The best and lasting results come steadily and are hard-earned.
Progress can be impeded many ways: by rushing or not pushing hard enough or trying too hard all the time or being deflated by successes you deem to be too small or slow. Getting the balance right is key, which is why a coach is useful to those who can’t manage that fine line well by themselves.
Reg and Jemma both admitted they couldn’t (at this stage) do this by themselves. They need guidance.
Inevitably, when you get a group training together there will be situations where one or the other excels in a given task.
But comparing yourself to others is another disaster area.
“Why is she looking lean and I am not?” or “why are they lifting big weights and I’m not?” or “they got all their reps and I didn’t”.
No wonder it is said that “comparison is the thief of joy”.
There are fewer better ways to throw yourself off your game than to become preoccupied with what everyone else is doing.
On the Amazing 12, everyone is on their own, personal journey – or at least they should be. While the program fits everyone, it’s not identical for everyone.
If you’ve had a lifetime of comparing yourself or setting unrealistic expectations, it’s not going to change overnight.
Like a body that’s been allowed to get out of shape, you have to work on your thinking and the patterns of your thinking to get it into shape, too.
I try to make it clear that everyone is unique – and I mean it. Our bodies are all different. Things like long and short limbs are genetic and cannot be changed. While some of us can naturally move fast or are more adept at going steadily for longer or are stronger physically, we can improve our strength, speed and endurance.
Some of us will lose weight or body fat fast and others will do so slowly. We are all physiologically different, which is why comparisons often don’t serve us well.
The universal objective, though, is to improve towards our intended goal, not to be upset or feel derailed by becoming envious of the progress others are making.
The Amazing 12 program is about making you the best version of yourself – not the best version of someone else or your imagination. And I certainly don’t have the ability to make someone with short legs develop long legs or vice versa.
My current group of four training at Core Results Gym all bring something different – and positive – to the table. Catriona has endurance. She’s focused and doesn’t slacken. She wants to be the best she can be. She even had to whip a few of the others into line this week with a call of “stop complaining!”
Catriona, like Reg at the end of week 5, is happy that she’s shed 4kg and flattened her tummy, something she’s never been able to do from years and bucket-loads of cardio.
Jade has natural athletic ability. She’s competitive, got good technique and is dynamic and strong. Jemma is enthusiastic and committed. She’s so into the program. Big Reg is a mood-enhancer. Everything’s so jovial around Reg. He brings laughter to the group. He’s realistic about where he is. He does his absolute best and is strong.
This week had, for the first time, all four training in the same session. Jemma, who’s complained of tiredness a lot this week, was concerned she wouldn’t be able to keep up with Jade and Catriona. But keeping up is not what it’s about. Instead, use others who may be quicker or better to improve your performance, as Jade and Catriona often do.
Reg has had to step up his game since being joined by Jemma and, for one day each week, Jade. But he’s become much fitter for it and everyone has noticed.
Jemma’s eagerness for change often gets the better of her, though. She’s already made great strides and there’s nothing wrong with wanting improvement, which is why everyone is on the program, but it’s how we go about it that matters.
And, as you can probably tell from most of my previous blogs, it’s what goes on in our heads that gets in the way of what our bodies can deliver. I’m continually reminding the group of what they have achieved rather than what they failed to achieve. So far, in a short time, it’s considerable for them all.
My advice to anyone training – and especially on the Amazing 12 – is take each day as it comes and use it as a stepping stone. Do your best. Don’t label your sessions as good or bad. Don’t go home and look at yourself in the mirror 10 times every day. Don’t keep stepping on your scales to torture yourself.
Turn up, follow the program, eat the right foods, be patient, experience the journey with all its ups and downs and try to be better than the day before. That’s how the best results occur.
Remember this: “Peace begins when expectations end.”
My next wave of the Amazing 12 is going to start in September (exact date to be determined). I’m already accepting applications. For more information, please contact me at Claude@intelligentstrength.co.uk